you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
