Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
