Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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