I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
