so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
