I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
