dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
