When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
