is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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