did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
