I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
