Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my being single is dangerous.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
