so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
