did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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