Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
