I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
