Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
