did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that's an acceptable place to lick
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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