Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
