oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
