how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
