She is in my trunk
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
