if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
