She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
