im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
