i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize