I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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