i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
