i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
