Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
