if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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