And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
