Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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