gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
