Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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