my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
