i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Holy shit dude........stairs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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