No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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