Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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