I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
