my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
