sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
