how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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