I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
