dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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