I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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