Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The air was thick with penises
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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