At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
