I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
