just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
