please come you make the beer taste better
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
