Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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