I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
