this beer tastes like vomit already
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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