Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
